Healing From Trauma and Grief

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Healing From Trauma and Grief

Stepping out in trust is a tremendous step to take for many especially in matters of love, for me this had been true too. When love is the greatest gift we’re given and requested only to love others as we love ourselves, why is love scary for so many? What is it about love that creates fear? Within this article I’ll share the reason I feared love, but only to shine a light to help others. Everyone has a very unique answer to this question based on their individual perspective about love and the meaning of love that began forming well before knowing the word “love”.

Consciously we feel love and love’s impact from the time of conception through the remainder of our years. Therefore our perspective of love is ever expanding and contracting with each life experience that includes (but is not limited to) interactions, actions, nonverbal gestures, words and much more through what’s done and said by others and ourselves. In reality God describes love as pure, it’s just our human nature to box love in through our experiences and make the limitless limited (as discussed in my last blog).

While our perspective of “love” changes and evolves, the foundation of our perspective was firmly set within the first very impressionable 7 years of our lives. Well before we had the intelligence, discernment or wisdom to know what was and wasn’t true thus words said to us, actions done to us and events impacting us were processed to the best of our infant to small child’s mentality.

During the first 7 years of life we form approximately 70% of our beliefs. If you’re similar to a large majority of individuals (myself included), you experienced some form of childhood trauma within this time period that impacted the beliefs created. Some beliefs developed through attempts to cope with and make sense of what was going on within our world. If that world included traumatic events, some of the beliefs created were to keep us safe, secure and alive. If those beliefs remain undiscovered and unchanged they still exist in the subconscious mind today limiting your life and your relationships.

While beliefs can protect and keep us safe, as you know we have changed a lot since we were 0 to 7 years old. As adults those very same beliefs that kept us safe and secure, hold us back from receiving and achieving many of the things we desire most in life – love being at the top of that long list.

To understand and change these beliefs one must:

  • Take a look at what beliefs exist within the subconscious mind
  • Evaluate the validity of existing beliefs
  • Assess objectively the experiences that formed these beliefs
  • Release trapped emotions from childhood or other traumas
  • Remove existing beliefs that no longer serve
  • Replace damaging beliefs with positive, loving truths that enable the fulfillment of one’s hearts desires

Having completed this process myself, I was surprised and not surprised by what I discovered. What surprised me the most was the significant and damaging amount of trapped emotions I was holding within my body. Most of which were preventing me from receiving love – giving extensive amounts of love has never been a problem for me, but receiving love had been. To be healthy, to be whole we must be able to give and receive love in equal measures.

Through my healing journey I uncovered the emotional damage I’d created in my unsuccessful attempts at comprehending and grieving my mother’s death through my 4 year old mind. In this effort to make sense of the loss of a crucial part of myself as she was me and I was her, I emotionally shut off much of my heart and sealed my heart behind a very thick fortress of protection. While not truly comparable, the best illustration I can think of is the protection provided by the snail shell as it protects the snail’s soft mushy body from outside threats.  Similarly my protective fortress shielded my fragile, broken heart from the bad and the good.

I share my experience with the desire to enlighten others to the damage trapped emotions and negative beliefs create. These emotions must be released and incorrect beliefs changed to truly allow complete healing and wholeness within ourselves. While it’s just a brief snippet of my journey, I believe it is enough to provide understanding on how something similar could have happened to a loved one or possibly yourself that is negatively impacting life today.

After my mom’s death my siblings and I could not discuss her within the family, too young to have friends my emotions had no outlet and became trapped. These trapped emotions (while incorrect) were feelings and beliefs that the mother I deeply loved had abandoned and rejected me. Compounding this were damaging trapped emotions of grief, crying, heartache, confusion (for why she left me), unworthiness (of being loved thus the root of my difficulty to receive love) and longing (as I earnestly desired to return to her). So well before I knew the word “love” I unconsciously learned that love was painful and heartbreaking.  This belief understandably created an unconscious fear of love because love was not safe.

Learning and healing from these trapped emotions and incorrect beliefs has been a crucial breakthrough in my life. Now that my heart is 100% healed of all childhood and other traumas, I have a tremendous sense of freedom and lightness with the release of an abundance of trapped emotions that weighed me down. While I didn’t consciously realize they existed, subconsciously they became too heavy to carry any longer. With my heart whole again, for the first time since I was 4 years old I’m fully able to step out in trust to not just give love but also to receive love. Healing our hearts is an indescribable blessing to us and to all whom our lives touch.

As I traveled this journey, learning how to heal first myself and then others came fast and natural for me like a fish learning to swim. As I continue to learn, grow and develop my healing skills to help others heal their hearts and bodies; I’m excited to see where my new adventure leads. Where ever it leads it will be beautiful, impactful and transformational.


(I have to make a special note of the above picture – I passionately love all nature, animals and critters. When I’m in nature and see something interesting I snap a picture. When I took this beautiful snail’s picture the sun was obscuring the shot so I didn’t notice the snail’s shadow or that together they formed a heart. Having drafted this blog almost 2 weeks before I snapped this picture I completely forgot the snail shell reference. When I connected the two it seemed a perfect fit. While the graphic box stretches out the pixels distorting it’s clarity, I could not have planned a more perfect shot for this blog if I tried. In life it seems there are no coincidences even for the littlest things – we just have to let go and allow them to happen.)